Ewoks

Don’t underestimate the Ewoks. Those tiny, furry, aliens were the target of much derision after Return of the Jedi, which is unfair. The Ewoks saved that movie. The Emperor saw right through the Rebel Alliance’s plan; he anticipated their every move. The only thing he didn’t plan for were the Ewoks. If it hadn’t been for them, Luke would be evil, the Rebels would have been crushed, and the Empire would have ruled for 1,000 years. And some of you have the gall to laugh at them.

In Star Wars: Battle Front 2, players have the option to use the “Hunt” game mode. This mode pits you and your computer allies against the indigenous population of whatever planet you choose. My friend and I, at around 5:00am decided to indulge our diabolical nature and kill us some Ewoks.

We started out confident. Our storm trooper avatars strode manfully into the forest, ready to unleash the slaughter. I laughed at my friend for over reacting when he threw a grenade. But, slowly, respawn by respawn, we realized something was wrong. Ewoks are small. Ewoks are camouflaged. Ewoks are fast. We ended up huddled around our last command post as the forest around us poured on withering laser fire. At the last moment my companion respawned as Darth Vader, and I remember watching him swinging his light saber, surrounded by a crowd of gleeful hirsute aliens as the “DEFEAT” message came on screen in a dark, humiliating, red.

I guess we should have made more of an effort for the hearts and minds of Endor.